Ten years ago our entire civilization almost came crumbling down. After the computers hit 00 they would simultaneously short circuit. Within seconds transportation, banking, EVERYTHING would be wiped out. Total anarchy would quickly erupt in the streets. I think dragons were going to attack, or something. And we would have been forced to live (if we survived) in a post-apocalyptic Mad Max style world.

Or something like that. Regardless, we all bought some extra Aquafina, just in case.

Well, thank god the world didn’t end. Because if it had, these songs would have never existed.

Oh my dear lord I am happy did not end before this song was written. Shaggy’s career should have been over after “Boombastic” found its true home in a Levi’s ad. But no. Shaggy had a mission on his planet. To write the best relationship advice song ever.

The song starts out with a spoken word intro to set up the premise the song deals with. You know a song is going to be great when you need context to understand it. Not that you can actually understand it, virtually every word Shaggy sings is indecipherable .

So the set up for the song is Shaggy is talking to some fucking dude who no one gives a damn about but sings every hook in the song. We’ll call that guy Jerry. Anyway, Jerry has a problem. His girlfriend caught him cheating with another girl. Shaggy has a simple bit of advice “Say it wasn’t you.”

Now I want to say off the bat that I don’t advocate cheating or being dishonest and trying to get away with it. But for the sake of the song I want things to work out for Jerry. Now Shaggy has given him the advice “Say it wasn’t you.” And, depending on how he got caught by his girlfriend (I’m gonna hope they aren’t married), it could very well work. Let’s say her friend thought she saw him at a baseball game holding hands with some random girl…sure he could say that it wasn’t him and get away with it.

But holy shit. Then the song starts and we find out how Jerry got caught.

“Honey came in and she caught me red-handed creeping with the girl next door. Picture this, we were both butt naked, banging on the bathroom floor”

Okay, Jerry. You were caught in the bathroom fucking another girl? This is officially one of the times where you CAN’T get away with it by saying it is someone else. Seriously Shaggy, this dude was in the middle of intercoursing a girl and his girlfriend WAS THERE…and the best advice you can give is “Say it wasn’t you?”

But that is that Shaggy’s only advice, and he spends most of the song just repeating it. He does warn the guy to run fast if she is packing a gun (I had to google the lyrics because you really can’t understand).

The only thing that sucks about this song is the bridge. Jerry tries to undermine the whole awesomeness of the song by saying he has decided to apologize and that Shaggy’s way of thinking is wrong. But there is one last bit of sheer awesome even in this.

Jerry sings:

“We should tell her that I’m sorry for the pain that I’ve caused…”

We!?!? You’re going to bring Shaggy with you when you apologize? I’m sure she will appreciate that.

Just like I appreciate the fact that the world did not end before “It Wasn’t Me” came out.